In the twilight zone – fuzzy but real.

　from WSJ article link here.

Tonight was a twilight zone in the making. When I mentioned how miserable I was with this jet lag state, my sister texts me to just take sleeping pills. What? We are pretty different. There is no way I am going to take sleeping pills just for a mere jet lag – after all, I am not a yogini for nothing. I vowed to get over this misery with the naturalist cure – obviously yoga is the solution, the medicine. I do not need any sleeping pill – but I decided I needed more than a self-practice and dragged myself into a pretty late class after a day of fighting the desire to just lie down, yawning and rubbing my eyes:)

Awhile ago, I found a yoga class that works for my schedule and it’s probably the latest class you can find – other than Bikram – and what a relief to find that the instructor is one I used to go to before I got hooked and became an instructor. Back when I belonged to Equinox, a heath club with decent yoga classes I attended his classes even though I normally avoid male teachers. I rather go to female teachers for I figure women knows best women’s needs but it must have been a schedule thing – and so he was an exception – besides he seemed more compassionate than egotistical. Well – so I am looking for late classes and there he is again. I want to focus more on what I am doing than what the instructor is, so looked for a mat space far away in the back – really wanted to hide in the back row – only near the mirror as mirror is so refreshing, having done without it for so long. It’s the only non-hot yoga class held this late – Not too surprised that it’s a packed class, with guys taking up the front center area – which seemed unusual for a yoga class – but then again, I think male practitioners probably feel the same way – they are more comfortable with their own kind:) as I do feel more comfort with sisters and aunties.

In setting an intention this skillful instructor proposes the theme of “strength”. Strength in character, strength of the physical kind, strength of will… So…uh, masculine… So unlike the soothing oozy stretchy floaty big sigh of relief and release of a lunar class, I really wanted – it’s the exact opposite – so it gets sweaty and heated…the kind of class when the instructor says, “if you want to make it more intense you can … option B from option A” and all students are type A’s and without exception, they all seem to take the intense option B rather than staying where they are at option A. Managed to live through it thinking how I need to “strengthen” my upper body strength as Chaturanga Dandasana for the umpteen time was humbling me.

The twilight zone feeling is not from the more intense (maybe because there were more guys in this class?) solar practice (not my cup of tea in the evening but…) but the ending quote he shared (love) – So surprised because it was exactly the passage I was translating for fun and practice … of course all Murakami’s completed translations are readily available out there but…I would read the original and translate portions that I like for bilingual retention – to hear it coming out of this instructor’s mouth was … like … so … unexpected. What just happened? I couldn’t believe my ears.

カフカ「強くならないと生き残っていけないんです。」

Kafka (a 14 year old boy) – I can’t survive unless I become stronger. (that survival of the fittest pressures – so prevalent).

でもそういう生き方にもやはり限界があるんじゃないかしら。

Saeki-san (an older lady friend) – “Because you feel all alone. But isn’t there a limitation to that kind of living. You can’t surround yourself with walls to build strength. In principal, the strong is always beaten by the stronger, then the strongest.”

強さを壁に自分を囲い込むこともできないし、

強さとは原理的に、より強いものに破られる。」

カフカ 「強さそのものがモラルになってしまうから。

Kafka: Strength itself has become a moral (or a goal).

僕が求めているのは、勝ったり負けたりする強さじゃないんです。 外からの力をはねつける壁がほしいわけでもない。 欲しいのは、外からやってくる力を受けて、それに耐えるための強さです。
不公平さや不運や悲しみや誤解や無理解－そういうものごとに静かに耐えていくための強さです。」

But the kind of strength I am seeking is not about winning and losing.
It’s also not about having strong walls to repel or defeat forces from the outside.
The kind of strength I want is the kind that accepts the outside forces,
then to endure them – that kind of strength I seek.
To quietly endure unfairness, misfortune, grief, misunderstandings and mistreatment –
To quietly endure such things, that kind of strength.
I want to be strong so that I can endure all (pain).

「それはたぶん、手に入れるのが
いちばんむずかしい種類の強さでしょうね。」

Saeki-san – “That’s probably the most difficult kind of strength to acquire.”

************************************ by Haruki Murakami, Kafka by the Shore
At the closing of this class, this instructor quoted about true strength being the ability to endure hardship … the exact quote from Haruki Murakami – it’s so so strange. What a coincidence. Strange things happen when we practice endurance? So glad to find a late night vinyasa class – thank you Teacher K.