The “S” word … ouch.

(photograph credit to http://en.paperblog.com/sick-leave)

When I thought myself to be a hot shot, in a rat race, rising on the corporate ladder kind of a gal( way way too slow and a long climb in my opinion especially back then), I recall missing out on a wedding I had so painstakingly prepared to go to. A friend was getting married in … Hawaii and of course, I would not miss this dream-come-true wedding. Got the plane ticket – check; got the dress to wear for the EVENT – check; Packed – check; and … then there’s … WORK to finish before I can leave. Oh that? WORK? un…checked…Ahhg! OMG! Threw both hands up to my head …cradled it…oh, dear. Deadlines were more rushed due to the impending departure – staying late to finish, many loose ends to tie, arranging for a dog-sitter, making zillions of phone calls, talking miles a minute, dizzying speed to maybe feel … more important, etc.

Well… I never made it… to … the wedding that was to take place in… Hawaii. I had so looked forward to going to this wedding in paradise – starting from rehearsal dinner on Friday… & that’s the time when I had to call from bed…too TOO sick … Sadly … I was diagnosed with … Shingles? It’s not life-threatening so initially I was not phased – just a mere “rash”, I still intended to jump on the plane and go until the doctor advises absolutely no travel – what?! In fact, I did not even know what “shingles” was but came to find out …dreadfully PAINFUL and UGLY. Ignoring symptoms (too busy!) I went to the doctor’s office so late in the progression of the disease that it was too late to take anti-viral medication… and given another delicate condition I was in, I refused to take any pain medication so I chose to suffer… I felt like a hammer was repeatedly being pounded into my head as the shingles spread to my left eye and I was referred to an eye specialist. The pounding pain was excruciating. I cannot remember clearly but my mother even flew from Japan and (this is in LA) she accompanied me to Ophthalmologist and there the doctor said that I am likely to lose my eye sight on my left if the viral infection did not let up. I remember crying in my mother’s arms thinking I will go blind. Later I come to find out about 10 to 25 percent of people who get shingles will have it in the face and eye. Nerve pathway under attack… I had never experienced physical pain that … painful (so my heart goes out to anyone with any kind of chronic pain).

Luckily, I was spared – without any medication, I got well and my vision was not impaired. I attribute it to my mother’s love and care for me – being nursed with good Japanese food always cures:) According to the doctor, the attack on my nervous system missed the retina by few millimeters. So here’s a published factors that increase risk for shingles which I had mentally gone over back then as don’t we all do this? Whenever we get sick we back trace our steps to review what we had done wrong…what caused that illness to strike in the first place – sometimes there are no answers but in this case, I looked over the list line by line carefully – “why me?””I work-out” “I’m at my perfect B/M ratio” – why?:

Checked off – Nope – Being older than 50.
Hope – Having a weakened immune system due to another disease, such as diabetes or HIV infection.
Nope – Having cancer or receiving treatment for cancer.
Nope – Taking medicines that affect your immune system, such as steroids or medicines that are taken after having an organ transplant.

And then I let out a deep sigh when I read the last risk factor on that list that can cause shingles. It read: “Experiencing stress or trauma.” THAT, weakens the immune system…

I would not qualify my hard work to get to Hawaii for a friend’s wedding as “trauma” – rather to the contrary, it was something I really looked forward to being part of. I was FIT – I went to the gym regularly and maintained body weight probably 10lb.lighter than today’s. I had trim waistline and muscles were more toned. But was I really healthy and living a balanced life?

And stress? I justified my level of “stress” was no more than anybody else’s who wanted to achieve and be successful – after all that’s what we were taught: “Rest” = “lazy” is evil – Work hard, harder than anybody else and succeed. Really, it did not seem like an inordinate level of stress – not any more than usual – but Downtown LA was very HOT, SMOGGY that summer and I was working, working, working and of course to look perfect? in that special dress for the wedding, I was watchful of what I put in my mouth -thinking of myself as so health-conscious. I was clueless – working so hard and long hours (probably inefficiently too) in order that I can take a break – this dream vacation in paradise to celebrate an auspicious occasion.

Many people live in the extremes, thinking going from one extreme (hard work, no rest) to another extreme (vacation, dazed and passing out on the beach) is the “balance” we seek.

TLC your nervous system …