Being in the moment – I used to love subbing because my crazy schedule would only allow for irregularities and subbing suited me since you can say yes or no based on my availability whenever the request popped up – such freedom. Loved the idea of not having to be tied down to a commitment. No responsibility towards the students other than making sure they do not get injured and you do enough to not disappoint but at the same time, you do not go all out to the max of what you are capable of. Somehow feeling like you had to conserve your energy as it’s not your “regular” class.
Maybe because my ego became an issue, or maybe with discernment, getting more selective, I now avoid subbing but will do it for fellow yogini friends. Subbing was going rather smoothly until I hit a bump where I was in need of a sub as a sub (food poisoning season?) – then subbing was no longer enjoyable – it can be rough – you walk in and already you feel that you have to deal with expectations vs. your ego. I approached it as almost like a babysitting stint where you will fully care for the students but will avoid attachments – and try very hard to not invest in human contacts other than to deliver the “class”. “Keeping a distance” might have been my intention, never wanting to know their names.
So… I was wrong. It’s about being present and being here and now. If I never see these people again, it does not matter. The fact that we are in the same studio room, this month, this week, this day and time – this very moment – is enough of paths crossing, something of a miracle. You do the best to take the students on a safe inward journey as a warm and kind – and most importantly, competent guide – then you let go. No ego; no attachment; but 100% ownership of that class that’s been entrusted to you. That’s the true being in the “present” with total ownership but with no investments; no expectations of any return other than the satisfaction of job well done if even one person found relief or lightness through my service. I am evolving…thanks to yoga. Practice, practice:)
So a card with a message delivered – how timely can it be?
