“As we’ve seen, all criticism, attack, insults, and judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message. The more we practice in this way, the more we realize a simple truth: behind all those messages we’ve allowed ourselves to be intimidated by are just individuals with unmet needs appealing to us to contribute to their well-being. When we receive messages with this awareness, we never feel dehumanized by what others have to say to us. We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. ”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
This is an interesting take …during this challenging times when increasing numbers suffer from anxiety and depression, how would this idea be interpreted ? It could be that many have come to face to face with the undeniable truth … a recognizion of having lived a pre- pandemic, so called “normal” life that was actually NOT so authentic – have we been living a life true to ourselves? Or – have some of us merely faking it ? Complicit in role-playing and living a fake life to please others at the expense of one’s own deeper needs and wants … could it be that ?
“My theory is that we get depressed because we’re not getting what we want, and we’re not getting what we want because we have never been taught to get what we want. Instead, we’ve been taught to be good little boys and girls and good mothers and fathers. If we’re going to be one of those good things, better get used to being depressed. Depression is the reward we get for being “good.” But, if you want to feel better, I’d like you to clarify what you would like people to do to make life more wonderful for you.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
When one’s own mortality is felt to be fragile, when lives and relationships appear fleeting, the world out of control, what is it that one can trust and depend on ? What’s still within our own control? What is forever to be trusted and relied upon ?
A dear friend who recently had a huge setback of a loss said to me earnestly ” You know, I only have maybe another XX good years left if I am lucky … so I want to spend them with family and friends like you …”.
Yes. Our needs are sifted, filtered, and distilled, wants are clearly defined, and our heart and soul untethered to seek what’s authentic and real. Out of fear, we had been fooling ourselves leading a distracted life – but the Pandemic has reminded us this: We don’t have eternity on this earth. Life on earth is quite finite; So we come to relish each breath, each hour, each day as life as we know it is no longer guaranteed – so with that in mind – gratitude for today, this life. Our intentions are clearer; we know what we want. We cannot afford to waste or play a game, act in a charade, winging at this thing called life. We live it like our lives depends on it in full awareness.
