While the rest of the world is about Super Bowl (did you see the movie ‘Concussion’ though?), here I was in East Bay mesmerized by a talk given by BK, as in Bidyut Bose, founder and ED of Niroga Institute. Then, Rosaland’s gentle and skillful language introduced Saraswathi Devi.
Another teacher who exudes that radiant aura of the humble know-er.
Yoga has never been about just exercise for me but about mind-body-spirit connection, somewhat different kind of a fitness program that toned my mind as well as my muscles … so as much as I enjoyed teaching “regular” yoga classes (with a therapeutic spin) first at a cozy community center, then at a lovely local studio and also a beautiful sports club, I have been feeling a bit … restless. Am I given the opportunity to learn and grow as a teacher? Irrespective of some notion of a “style” or lineage that separates and divides practitioners into different schools and groups as though some brand-name worship. Did that restlessness arise from the feeling of … what am I doing this for? What’s the point? Am I really helping? Is it just a bit of doparmine secreting glorified stretching ? Am I really able to bring joy into the hearts of those who show up? Is it really my dharma? Am I really being authentic when I stand in front to teach or guide – if so, why do I feel like a fraud sometimes? (Okay, I know, I need to lighten up!) With so much training, isn’t it ENOUGH? Why do I feel it’s not enough when it should be enough… More than enough.
So what is my intention with this practice if it not for healing self first and then others. I use the word, “heal” loosely as to feel better. to feel content or restored to optimal vibrancy with zest for life. I now approach “healing” as with an intention to “serve” not “fix”. This is a concept I learned this weekend from my first weekend immersion in yoga therapy that we cannot with all good intentions, we can never “fix” anyone but ourselves. Sure, there’s nothing to fix if nothing is broken so for some, it may not even be about “healing” so much as it can be more about getting un-stuck to ultimately to undergo a “transformation”. We cannot reach certain milestones and “places” for anyone but ourselves. Indeed, we cannot really change anyone but ourselves. Instead, all a yoga teacher, especially a yoga therapist can do is not so much to fix but to …SERVE. Our job is not to attempt to fix but to serve the students and clients so that they too learn how to tap into their own inner teacher to heal themselves or gain strength and techniques to overcome obstacles to ultimately become …free. To be burden-free, no matter how fleeting, even for a moment. Moment to moment at a time … It’s about empowering the students, arming them with yogic techniques, always approaching that person, that soul, in front of you with a deep sense of empathy.
So this weekend intensives towards 800 hours certification in Yoga Therapy (by the only local yoga school accredited by IAYT – while the 500 hrs. portion is with Yoga Alliance) has already given me a great teaching. We can’t fix anyone. This was a revelation. In fact, I had signed up for this training because I wanted to fix what I saw in others as what might be broken or hurting. I wanted us all to feel just blissful:) I now realize how naive and ego-based that thinking was. It’s the ego to want so much to fix what may be broken or hurt (just a perception). That ego-based thinking was my most fundamental delusion. All we can do is guide them to restoration through teaching of techniques … they have to practice. No one can practice for the person in question. We merely provide the right energy, that supportive, sacred space, conducive to that individualized practice.
Having underestimated the amount of sheer work, time and dedication needed to fulfill the requirements of this advance training, I beginning to entertain so much self-doubt. The overwhelming nature of the expectations hit me and I felt like dropping out – but as though to read our minds, the lovely teacher talked about how we NOT “self-sabotage” ourselves out of fear … if there’s a will, a determination … all things are possible – especially transformation:) right? It’s about the will?
Mindset needs to change … willfully change:)
I am excited to be on this path and enthralled to be in presence with others journeying along – and yes, there’s so much to be done. So many ways to serve. And I owe my gratitude to all my family and teachers who allow me to partake in this deep cathartic learning for I too want to be free, to be at peace.
Exhausted but not depleted – my heart swells with love for this practice. I feel so much gratitude for this opportunity to learn and grow and develop to ultimately SERVE more effectively.
