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Month: August 2017
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Yoga and Breast Cancer – Two
It’s been said that many women have that ingrained instinctive trait of being excellent at taking care of others. If they are not good at it, by the time they head into motherhood, many tend to develop and near perfect this skill at taking care of others – most often, even before learning how to take care of themselves best in accordance to changing conditions. Moms are super giving, caring for their babies and spouses and additionally they take on the load – the job, career, aging parents, friends in need and so on. In many ways, many moms thrive from this mission to care for others. While they excel at the art of caring for others, many do poorly at taking care of themselves. It’s not a blame game but rather from research that those women who tend to be a perfectionist, people-pleasing do-gooder, self-sacrificing … are at risk and if they do not know how to better inoculate themselves from stress, can fall victim to illnesses unimaginable.
Short-term stress that comes in spurts and bursts can actually be good for us – it gets us to challenge ourselves and grow.
But long term, chronic stress? That’s another story – it’s insidious and eats away at one’s very core so this is where Yoga can serve our needs best, while bringing about wholesome physical improvements. Improvements such as muscle strengths, flexibility and as by-products, better posture, better respiratory health and mental fitness.
When one is in the guilt mode – either of survivorship or guilt over past lifestyles one suspects of bringing on the illness to find lodging in the vulnerable (rather say, just, fate), or how about anger – why me? why now? – anger borne really out of fear … all those natural emotions are inevitable but no good will come. Rather, transform the negative emotions to that of gratitude and compassion towards oneself … that intention to be kind will boomerang to all who is near you, back to you.
So when a woman two seats away from me was sobbing away, I felt compelled to rush over and console her but then … I saw that I needed to just let her. Give her the space to cry it out. With no judgement. But with total empathy.
There were few other reactions to this woman and … let me share them:
1. One nurse just brought a box of Kleenex and walked away.
2. Another nurse, asked her gently, “would you like a warmed towel?”
And the last one was the most surprising and jarring … This nurse who had been walking briskly by few times, this time abruptly stops in front of her and as though to admonish a preschooler with a flinging index finger in front of her nose demands an answer to a rhetorical question – “why are you crying?”
“WHY ARE YOU CRYING?” she hissed – then proceeded to preach, “you don’t know – there’s nothing to cry about – you can do something about it. why are you crying?”
I know this nurse meant it as a pep talk perhaps – but her statements were not consoling. The woman stopped sobbing. Yeah, it worked… because she then began to wail an octave higher -and even – HIGHER. The soft sobs turned into much louder wailing and sobbing. I felt shaken and angry towards that insensitive nurse who made this poor patient feel even worse than she already did. How effective was that so called “pep talk”? Not. Sometimes, we can only hold space. And … that’s enough. Nothing more is expected.
I could not help but appreciate the two nurses who quietly consoled and roll my eyes (internally) with the third nurse. This nurse probably needs a bit of a training in giving comfort. I felt more sadness towards that woman who couldn’t stop sobbing – Sometimes people may mean well but trigger counterproductive results – I know the third nurse meant well as well but good intentions can go awry. We know this. It’s really because while she meant well, it was not ultimately not about the woman – it was about how unpleasant it may be to others to hear sobbing at a hospital exam room – and how that affected her state of mind. If one truly cared about that woman, she would have probably just held a safe space for her so she may gather herself and dust off and walked out in peace.
In yoga too, we have to really examine – Am I being Kind and Compassionate to myself? How is this going to make me stronger or how is this going to make me flexible ? How is this going to make the pain go away? Is this pain good for me? What are my goals? Do I want to just lose 10 lbs and live happily ever after or … what is going to really help?
Isn’t the practice supposed to bring me closer to … bliss?
That is my aim in my own practice.
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Yoga & Breast Cancer – One
When I returned to Tokyo to be with my mother who was hospitalized from a stroke, every channel on Japanese TV media seemed to be broadcasting the tragic death of Mao Kobayashi, former TV personality and a celebrity host on a still running, popular TV program. At a young age of 34, mother of young children, married to a handsome, sought after Kabuki actor, she was at the height of happiness just couple of years ago. Above is a photo portraying their much celebrated wedding, one of many images in the media that circulated when these two celebrities tied a knot, creating a gorgeous couple, probably not an exaggeration to say, a couple admired by entire Japan.
So it’s all the more shocking – Her death from breast cancer was so unnerving to many women, especially to mothers, young and old. So unnerving, it is said that many women were prompted to go for breast cancer screening … many, for the first time.
So what do I do ? Upon returning to California, I immediately called for an appointment.
Last week, I went in for my mammogram after my doctor detected a little lump at our morning appointment – she says – it’s probably nothing but why don’t you have it checked out – I am going to order a mammogram and also a sonogram for this region to be sure – oh, there’s couple of appointments open today – they can fit you in she says, trying to sound so casual – she even jokes – maybe you just have a little lumpy breasts – I laugh along, yeah, lumpy breasts!? SO with heavy heart, I make a 3:15pm appointment as having woken up at 5:30am (usually try to practice before teaching) and not sleeping well (super hot bath at bedtime is a no, no). As I am driving home, I get a phone call from … the hospital so I answer it to find myself talking to an unknown caller – who turns out to be a radiologist who suggests coming in earlier … so … I promised her that I will come in earlier, the earliest possible for me at … 2pm. Scared more than ever to have a radiologist suggest an earlier appointment. My mind is numb – is it so bad that I have to be seen right away?
Imagine this. I go in for a “routine” mammogram … then, I am led to have a sonogram while I wait in a more private waiting room with a young woman sobbing away in the seat next next to me. When placed under stress, all kinds of thoughts creep up and swirl through your mind so … I meditated to clear my mind, allowing the debris swirling and muddying the clarity to simply … settle … using my favorite centering mudra to anchor myself. I tried to free myself from the stagnant heavy feelings of dread I was dragged down by. I practiced yoga – yeah, that kind of yoga. You might even call it mindfulness or zen.
A door opens and a woman in a medical uniform appears. She calls out my name – She escorts me into the exam room. I lie down as instructed with a technician and her assistant, both wearing a very stern expressions on their faces – that bedside manner of professionalism mixed with fear, trying to look expression-less expression. The room was darkened and shadows of silhouette of technicians loomed by the wall and right by my side as she operated the computer monitor. The image of my chest is on the screen. I was too scared to make heads and tails out of the grey and black image. Normally I would have been so interested in anatomy but … it’s a complete Greek to me. One of the technicians says with that serious expression face … “The doctor will be in shortly to talk to you.”
The fear was so present, it’s as though one can reach out your hand in the air, touch it, palpitate it. Anxieties was about to hijack my breath as I was in that state of sheer dread and disbelief – this is not happening to me – that feeling of denial pervaded. I felt sick. One tends to hold their breath when anxieties run in the overdrive … here again, I hear the yogi in me – smooth steady breath.
Then the doctor comes in – takes a look at the screen – then says …
“We will see you next year! You are cleared.”
!!!
What? Yes ! Life is Good!
Dark, heaviness lifted and the light lit up the entire room. The doctor is smiling. The two technicians are laughing along with me – I might have cracked a joke myself now. I was SO relieved all the sudden I was filled with positive energy. As I was entering the hospital, I was dragging, feeling so drained with exhaustion. As I left the hospital, I was full of vitality and … ENERGY. I felt like dancing whereas only an hour ago, I was having trouble climbing the stairs to my parked car … Our energy level is so connected to our emotions.
While I left with smiles and laughter, I then felt so … sad for the woman who had been sobbing in that small dimly lit waiting room between the mammogram and the sonogram rooms. Yes, in the main waiting room, there’s no woman or man shedding any tears. It’s just a routine check-up they are waiting for. But in these little pockets of waiting between further exam areas … some may, understandably break down.
I left thinking of her, that young lady sobbing in that smaller waiting area, two seats beside mine – almost with a sense of guilt – I am saved this time but she has to suffer that unfortunate stroke of fate? What has become of her? Watching her had taken me back to 5 years ago … when I went through the motions without really being present. To be present – takes courage.
I pray that she regains her strength, mental and physical, all the time, remaining present. Really, truly present.
Some people do all they can to distract and forget the unpleasant – that works too but ultimately, we have to face ourselves and get to know ourselves so well that we may care ourselves as experts. With self-knowledge, we can learn and grow with each struggle, each challenge. A path ridden with thorns can be better mitigated with more protections to conserve ourselves from needless pain – while smelling the roses:)
That woman sobbing two seats away from me – She needs to take care of herself. Forget the past, no regrets, she needs to focus on her mind and body, as it manifests, today, now.
Yoga practice can help as I learned from Lorien’s workshop referred by my cohort at my Yoga Therapist Advance (second year) Training from Niroga Institute. There’s a misunderstanding – it’s not just about making a yoga practice more lukewarm … or easy. It’s not all restorative and gentle … it is so dependent on where you are in that healing journey. As I recommend, Mix & Match – to foster the ability to create that inner peace, no matter … No matter what happens on the external world. Your inner world belongs to you and you can choose your state of mind.
(to be continued)
** Here’s a link to late Mao Kobayashi’s coverage in English.