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Beautiful People

Custard Chiffon Pie… Sweet & Tart:) That’s life!

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Sweet & Sour? That’s some Chinese dish I am told:)

So…my aunt had been hospitalized for quite some time and having heard recently that she’s doing rather poorly, I looked up at the super full moon around midnight and came almost to my knees wishing that she’d be spared pain, not suffer and that she would be comfortable. I prayed – Dear God, Supreme-Almighty, Buddha, Brahman, Kannon-sama, Bodhisattva, Shinto natural spirits … any and all weavers of threads of fate – Please make her well again but if that just cannot be allowed, if she cannot be revived and recover, at least make sure she does not suffer anymore – please give her comfort and peace. Earlier today, I received a call from my cousin in Tokyo that my aunt passed away sometime past 4am their time (which is a little past midnight here – exactly when I looked up at the super full moon in Angeli = Gassho mudra…a mystical coincidence) My cousin said that because she was suffering so much (water in lungs, respiratory problems – oxygen shortage among other complications modern medicine did not solve), apparently my aunt had a very strained facial expression with oddly shaped open mouth when she departed BUT now, couple hours has passed and my cousin said tearfully but with relief that … her facial expression transformed to that of graceful composure, that of peace… that miraculously, her mouth closed naturally and even her signature subtle smile came back. My cousin shared that she felt her mother planned her death at this time for a reason … could it be her last of many considerations and thoughtfulness exhibited throughout her life?

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Prior to receiving the sad news of my aunt’s passing, Robin Williams’s passing was all over the press and social media. My aunt lived a long life full of her own share of struggles and suffering… but she lived fiercely and joyously through it all – losing her husband early, becoming a single mom (to 4 school aged children!); acknowledging that outliving your own child is probably the worst pain, losing her still young daughter to cancer; losing her grandson to an accident … writing this I am again reminded that this great lady had her share of life’s tragedies – quite a bit of burning coals she had to walk on… But recalling she was a lady who would roll out a french pastry pie crust in a matter of minutes; then whip up a lemony custard filling soon after the pie crust came out of the oven (cooled of course) and serve it with so much love and care – it was perfection of flaky buttery crust harmonized with bright sunny yellow custard mouse… (she used a chilled rolling pin and made those buttery puff pastry style pie crust with technique of keeping the butter extra cold – with fluffy mouse like custard… amazing chef and a baker, teaching Western style cooking in Tokyo long time ago). She had a great smile and kind ways only someone who has known true suffering can demonstrate – that kind of kindness comes from a true sense of empathy and compassion. I have known few people who demonstrates powerful iron-strength but with kindness… so blessed to have come in contact with such a beautiful person.
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Robin Williams could have lived few of more decades but he took his own life because he had an illness which, untreated, became fatal – making any moral judgement of right or wrong is irrelevant – any judgement is irrelevant anyway – Feeling none other than sincere sympathy for the pains he endured. Rather than end it dramatically and abruptly, my aunt died of natural causes, an illness she fought to the end but in some ways not intending to overcome.. taking her last “breath” at around 4am as the super full moon slowly disappeared as sunrise was due at 5am. Her children at her side, her grandchildren visiting… In stark contrast, it is reported Robin Williams died alone. If we have to go, and we all do, I really hope we can go the way my aunt went…someone holding your hand or maybe snoozing beside you so fatigued from worries and nursing… perhaps alone but cared for in some way. In a sacred shared space of love.

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Robin Williams was so talented, an extraordinary genius and a cultural icon. His final exit from this life’s stage was very much like him in that, his act was attention getting, uninhibited but …tragic. A comic’s last act was NOT funny but rather, sad and made people cry. It was not an act he was known for – that of laughter. My aunt’s finale and an exit was quiet and not so tragic…She was the resilient one, the warrior; He, vulnerable and fragile…a warrior, nevertheless, in his own unique way. Not good or bad; simply an observation. In between struggling for breath, my cousin heard her mother say “YOI JINSEI DATTA” translated, “I had a very good life” even though her family and friends thought her life was actually otherwise; that she was handed an unfortunate deck of cards; or that she was born under an unlucky star each time tragedy struck her during her lifetime… she left this world with gratitude of life well lived. She was …happy.

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Life is short but Eternity is Not… that poster at a local church flashed in my mind … My intention is to live my life more fully with gratitude and compassion. While I know life is fleeting and impermanent… why make it any shorter than it already is? Let’s try to extend it as much as you can by taking good care of yourself…lengthen your breath – Take a looooonnnngggg deep* breath … feel life flow like a beautiful river streaming into every part of your body, enlivened and AWAKE & ENGAGED. Smile:)let it feel good; let it leave an imprint of the here and now.

(* yogic breath is not necessarily all deep – as in Ujai breath is rather constricted not so much deep BUT lengthly… more on this later)

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While we celebrate and honor their lives, we are still left with feelings of sadness and grief – because we are human and normal:

We just miss these sweet people dearly. We really miss them – Still… gratitude that we had such incredible souls who touched us with their light during our lives. Gratitude for having known them as they made our lives so much better, richer, sweeter – then if we had not come in contact with them. They brought Joy and Inspirations by their sheer presence, just being themselves, just being around. With that perspective, we come to realize the joy from having known them far exceeds the sadness of losing them in this life. The gratitude from having felt their light far out weighs any shadows of darkness – We were lucky to see the light they lit this world with. Unburdened, may they rest in peace. (& we shall meetup again in our next life and a life thereafter…)

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Beautiful Deeds Beautiful People Yoga

At service…subbing:)

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At a yoga teachers’ workshop some years ago, the topic turned to how we hate to sub – to which, I found myself to be in minority opinion – a heresy…receiving looks of horror as though I was a heretic – or someone with very serious self-esteem problem – But really, I actually preferred subbing at the time – no commitments – freelancing seemed to fit my lifestyle – not being tied down and not having to commit more permanently had its appeal – My thinking changed after meeting a mentor yoga teacher who entrusted me with her class – with an advice to teach more – Then my mind changed, when I attended Judith’s advance training – her training is about teaching as much as it’s about yoga – her thoughts on this subject went something like this: If you really love Yoga, then we need to spread it because this world needs it. I interpret that to mean, only through teaching, your devotion to the practice is realized. Her teachings have a devotional aspect. Not to sound evangelical, it is a tool and a technique to yield optimal health – sharing it brings about this sense of wholeness and …more joy.

Sometimes serving as a sub instructor, and also sometimes, running into subs, I know how it feels both ways – I have a yoga class I love going to – I really love this teacher’s class because in his class, … I can relax at all times knowing, after his class I will feel so much better than 90 minutes ago – it’s been tested through my (for me) relatively regular attendance and there’s a built-up trust and confidence in knowing that my needs will be met. Well, last couple of times, it’s not him, it’s a sub …ahhh, nooo ~ SO I know how it is – Subbing a class means dealing with disappointments if there’s a fan-base, a follower like me in this case. From the very onset when the students discover, the teacher is not who they came for – they fear if their 90 minutes will result in the same feel-goodness. You feel like turning back as soon as you hear that the class you came for is subbed out – In my case, had I known, maybe I would have stayed home or I might welcome some change and be willing to try and see – and as it turns out, while she was an excellent teacher by all measure, it wasn’t the kind of class I wanted – Whereas some new students who happened to walk in – it might have been just what they were looking for – just what they needed.

So my particular experience demonstrates how it’s not so much about the competency of the teacher, it’s all about the expectation – and to play that safe, it’s widely recommended that a sub should do what the regular teacher normally does – to just follow that same blueprint lesson plan- as no one enjoys “not meeting the expectation” and being a “disappointment” – and needs to overcome what you are up against from the very get-go. So usually a new sub tends to either serve as an assist to earn the regular teacher’s trust first or play a student and spy the class beforehand to figure out how to replicate it. When it’s between peers though, boom, you might be in there on an emergency – as a favor – and I’ve bombed it once when I walked in rather unprepared and actually with a stomach ache – what do you do? Grin and bear it and it is as it is – as a sub, we tend to play it safe, not going all out and keeping safety the #1 priority – sticking to the level of lowest denominator for fear of causing injuries when you see the diversity. Fitness clubs tend to be risky as beginners show up to what is called level 3 – how did they skip level 1 and 2? When you see stark mis-alignments and scary flawed angles, you worry that they may be straining themselves too much in an effort to strike a pose – to get that in – it’s a schedule thing – it’s one thing to challenge yourself but it’s another thing to hurt yourselves… SO… striking a balance to a whole new audience of mixed level is rather … challenging… so we tend to make it a rather conservative vanilla class – No wonder subbing is not a popular proposition for some.

Soooo…

Today, I think less and have become practical – it’s a gesture of service so students still get that yoga class in that particular style, that school of yoga, moreover, I see it for what it is, beyond the ego – more for exactly what it is – merely covering for a fellow instructor, a show of friendship, as they too deserve a vacation or time to attend to something – as I do – kind of a reciprocal kind coverage – so that they can come back recharged and fresh, to be an even better teacher for her/his students. Today, more than ever, FOR ME, it has become an opportunity to just practice the concept of “Ichigo-Ichie”…cherished moments, short lived.

Literally, the characters represent, “one time, one meeting”… Ichigo-Ichie (一期一会) is a term often used in Japanese Tea Ceremony which is a practice – a ritual really – always repeated the same WAY – step by step with focus – of brewing a pot of green tea and then serving it in a formal setting (it’s not what you think – it’s not really brewing a pot of leaves – it’s actually more pre-boiling hot water poured into a tea bowl with green tea powder called Matcha you whip up with a bamboo whisk – in individual ceramic bowl per guest – into this frothy deep green tea) – sounds simple enough? You brew your pot of tea everyday or pour hot water over a tea bag everyday? Imagine, wearing your best silk formal outfit, the kind that you need to dry clean; Imagine, if you will, the ritualized tea preparation and serving and drinking the cup/bowl of tea in such attire, all done in a ceremonial Zen space, then enjoying that tea with a group of people after you serve it … that is called the “Ichigo-Ichie” experience. It’s special; it’s unique; it will never happen again… in our transient, fleeting life. You feel it more BECAUSE it’s the same repeated ritual each time – no deviation in the form and formality in a somewhat relaxed but sharpened sensory experience that comes from mindfulness over each formalized step.

I TRY to treat subbing with that attitude – of course quite a bit casual but kind of a Ichigo-Ichie experience and try not to get ego-centric which would be about attachment to idea of acceptance by others, performance, and imitation … Going against the risk-free route, I decided I will not try to re-create and copy someone else’s class as that would be a dis-service. My intention would be to not replicate as no-one can be as special as the instructor you are filling in for – Unlike the prevalent belief system in some corporate culture that just about anyone in replaceable – I think otherwise, everyone is irreplaceable. No-one is replaceable. So with that in mind, please accept my apology in advance: Please accept no imitation:) Just being authentic is the best service to the regular teacher (thank you for entrusting me) and her/his students I serve just this time. Your experience, your feelings, sensations – the energy – is never repeated if you live in the present.

A cup of tea anyone?

No time for a tea break? A cup of green tea to contemplate how sometimes things start to feel a bit Deja Vu-ish … that Ground Hog Day feel (Bill Murray) – this is where you make a conscious effort to be in the present, moment to moment – & go to the right yoga class – you will feel the difference.

* BTW, hope you realize that the video is meant to be a parody – it’s making a joke out of the minute details and rules, protocols involved in traditional Matcha tea ceremony – the video is a spoof – humorous look at how this tradition is being lost by the coffee drinkers. Hands with tremors as she roughly puts the tea leaves into the pot is … too funny. A vast contrast to the formality involved in Matcha tea frothing step…

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Beautiful People Beautiful Places Beautiful Rituals Beautiful Things

If I create from the heart, nearly everything works;
if from the head, almost nothing.

― Marc Chagall

I was going to mention how much I love Chagall’s colors in all his images… it’s exactly as he says – there’s a vibration, energy you feel from his painting because the colors speak, the hues sing to our heart…nourishing our soul.

Color is all. When color is right, form is right. Color is everything, color is vibration like music; everything is vibration.

― Marc Chagall

Everything IS vibration…
In yoga-speak – there’s PRANA:)
& when you stand before his ORIGINAL painting… it’s amazing how you can feel it even after his physical passing…L O V E <3